It has been the noble profession of philosophers, social critics, and general thinkers to explain an idea using a story or a tale. By using characters, or dialogue, a writer can explain their thoughts, dreams, or ideals. On the contrary, though, many have used fictional stories as a method of propaganda, to spread lies to the general public, that the ruling class is considered more trustworthy. Few would be able to who’lly understand all the suffering and pain caused by the governments of the world. And only few would be able to believe it. The greatest cause of failure to achieve justice and peace in our world today, is that the common people are convinced of the lies of the media, the police, the government, and the big corporations. However, I am digressing from the purpose of this article… Here, I will attempt to draw some arguments out that I have against the idea of astrology. I hope it is as enjoyable as it is enlightening…

Argon: It is because of the distress that our class of men, known as astrologers, has been receiving, that I call this meeting. The faith has been called into question by the men of this modern world. We must now decide how we shall survive.

Texca: But there is another important matter of inquiry.

Argon: Yes?

Texca: Can Astrology truly be used as an accurate method for predicting the future or discovering the past?

Argon: I will say what I once told my apprentice… If you can convince people that you are predicting the future or discovering their past, then you are doing it. The physical universe is cold and inanimate. What is true objectively is non-existant. If you can tell someone what you discover, through cards or books, and they respond positively, then your powers must be true. That is the only way that I can see it.

Larkaz: As far as the recent skepticism of doubters, it must be met virulently. We have made a thousand predictions. Fortunately, the media has taken it to publicize the thirty or so that have come true. It brings a sort of reliability to our profession.

Argon: When we give personal readings, we must tell them something that they can connect with.

Texca: Horrid vagueness is perhaps the best tactic at our disposal.

Opal: Well, what is it, more specfically, that we can tell people, so they are convinced that we know the truth?

Argon: We must ask ourselves: what are the things that commonly go on in the lives of people?

Larkaz: Conflict.

Texca: Money.

Opal: Love.

Argon: In what way can we give a prediction in any of these areas, so they are believed?

Opal: We can say that something will happen today, or in the coming week, or weeks, involving something in regard to conflict, money, or love.

Larkaz: For conflict, we can say that the person will have a betrayal of some sort, or that they will be given the opportunity to break one of their commitments. It is impossible for two friends to coexist without one of them saying or acting negatively towards the other, even if it is in the least. And being given the opportunity to break a commitments could be anything. If you are committed to a lover, it is not hard to find others whom interest you, and if you are committed to a friend, it may be tempting to profit from their loss. By seeing these opportunities, which had existed all along, they are seeing the truth of our statements.

Texca: As far as money goes, we can say a multitude of things. Either an opportunity for person or business investment looms ahead, or at this present time, money may be more tight than usual, or more abundant than usual. At the first sign of an expensive cost, they will see the truth of the statement that money is tight, and at the first sign of incoming wealth, even if it is a common, routine employment check, they will see the truth of the statement that money is abundant. As far as business investments go, they can see anything as a business investment, whether they are simply buying some product in a store, or they are loaning money to a friend, things which are hardly uncommon, they are seeing the validity of supernatural prediction.

Opal: For love, we can say that an old romance may come back in to their lives, or they will be meet someone new who will have a lasting impact on their lives. Both of these things are common. For instance, how many old romances do each of us have? Countless. And even just a chance meeting with one, or a phone call, or even someone mentioning them, or just even the thought of one, will be enough for a person to think, “Yes, I had an old romance come back into my life briefly.” When it comes to meeting someone new who will have a lasting impact on their lives, that is perhaps the most vague of them all, but most enticing. If someone can give them a light for their cigarette, and they forever remember that incident, they may very well confide in themselves, “Yes, it is true that this person had a lasting impact on my life.”

Argon: As I said, vagueness is our tactic, but coupled with interpretation, we become unstoppable. “A commitment,” or “a business opportunity,” or “meeting someone new,” — these are all horribly vague words, but we must tell people to interpret them in their own regard. A friend of mine predicted that a woman would become pregnant in two months. When she explained that she had a hystorectomy and could not bear children, he covered his mistake by saying, “You will have an addition to your life, either a pet or a friend will become part of your household. Interpret it as you have to.”

Texca: How is that vague, though? I mean, if you say, “You will have a business opportunity in two weeks,” how is that vague?

Argon: Well, compare it with something specific. If we were giving out helpful readings, we would say something like, “You know that guy John? He’s going to come to you Tuesday, at six o’clock, and he’s going to ask to borrow two hundred dollars. If you let him borrow this money, don’t expect to see it again for three weeks. He’s going to spend it on a drug binge, but he’ll get you back once he cleans up.” See, if we said something like that, maybe we could be accurately described as real predicters. But go on and try to say something like that to someone, and they’ll say you’re crazy, because nothing you say has anything to do with their lives. Or maybe they’ll be so stupid, they’ll think, “Oh, by John, he meant Bert, and by drug binge, he meant television set, and by two hundred dollars, he meant fifty dollars, and by three weeks, he meant one weekend.” Remember, vagueness and interpretation.

Larkaz: We can spread our ability to predict through various facets. Astrology. We can have newspapers publish our predictions for people, based on the time of the month they were born. We can always throw in some psuedo-science, by saying some astrological bodies or whatever have gravity on you more during those times — despite the fact that they have the same pull on everyone else, too. There’s also Tarot Card readings. Based on a card, we can make some vague prediction and suggest the listener to use interpretation when hearing it.

Opal: But it doesn’t seem like we’re offering much help by this method at all.

Argon: What do you mean? We’re telling them the truth. Once they hear it, they look for. They look for things that happen everyday, every hour, and they’re going to see it. Once they have prove that our prediction is true, they’ll come back — and so will their money.

Opal: For all the value we actually give, we may as well say, “This is life. Things happen. Sometimes you’ll have conflict problems, looming money disputes, or possible love affairs. These happen every day, sometimes every hour. Good luck.” After all, that is what we really are saying.

Texca: We’re not saying that. We don’t say, “You’ll have conflict problems.” We say, “In a week and a half, you’ll have to choose the loyalty of an old friend or a new lover. Choose wisely.” We don’t say, “You’ll have money disputes.” We say, “Someone you barely know will come to you for money. Choose wisely.” We don’t say, “You’ll have possible love affairs.” We say, “Next month, you’ll light up a romance with a beautiful, attractive lover. Be careful. If you are not assertive, they may try to take advantage of you.”

Opal: So, we are basically rephrasing the plain, dull truth, to make it look attractive, so we can fill our pockets?

Texca: We are telling people what they need to hear.

Argon: If we didn’t tell someone that a business investment was coming up, they might miss out on a great opportunity.

Opal: How can we help? We don’t actually know if it is a good deal. We don’t know if they will get ripped off. And hell, saying “choose wisely” won’t help them a damn bit.

Argon: But we do know one truth. We know that this is life, and things happen.

Opal: If that’s all we know, then we know no more than the person we are predicting the future to.

Texca: That seems like an accurate approximation.

For Life,

Punkerslut (or Andy Carloff) has been writing essays and poetry on social issues which have caught his attention for several years. His website provides a complete list of all of these writings. His life experience includes homelessness, squating in New Orleans and LA, dropping out of high school, getting expelled from college for “subversive activities,” and a myriad of other revolutionary actions.